Thursday, November 29, 2007

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

a parenthetical God

I just got this from my good friend Mana, whom I've known since my 1st year in college, 21 years ago. I'm going to see her for the 1st time in years next week in Denver (I'm going to Wyoming for work, and will make a pit stop on the way home in the Mile High City).

Last night I couldn't get to sleep. My mind was racing, probably from one too many Lavazza espressos after 5 pm. When I finally got to sleep, I had the funniest dream.

I dreamt that I died and went to Heaven and when I got there God and all my dead relatives gave me a roast, commemorating all my years on earth. Everybody was a comedian. My relatives recounted stories of my childhood and everybody had a good laugh. I was surprised to find that I was really diggin this soiree. Then at the end, just when I thought the festivities were coming to an end, God got up to say a few words. I thought to myself that his speech was really sort of half-assed. I mean He was GOD, afterall. He could have come up with something a little better. Its not like he hadn't had all the time in the world! But I quickly put that thought out of my head b/c I didn't want Him to read my mind and then change HIS mind about letting me into Heaven. Anyway, after he was done with his half-assed speech, he said, "And now, without further adieu, I give you, the photo montage!!!!" Everybody clapped. What the fuck? What was the photo montage?

This gigantic curtain opened up and before my very eyes, there was this beautiful montage of these amazing little moments in my life. "Nobody could have taken these pictures but GOD himself!", I marveled. They were candid little pearls of happy times in my life when no one else was watching, no one but GOD. There was the picture of me hugging my kitty cat when I was a kid, opening up my acceptance letter to medical school (there was only one of those), kissing an old lover (we were married in our hearts). There were funny pictures too. Me checking out that barista's ass at the small independently owned coffee shop on the downtown mall in Charlottesville; Virginia, getting my stiletto heel stuck in that grate in Manhattan and almost fucking killing myself; sending Arthur Weinstein a not-so-flattering limerick about his professorial abilities, or lack thereof. God thought that one was particularly funny and said parenthetically that even though Weinstein was a jew, he wasn't one of His chosen people. God thought that my lame professor "got what was coming to him. "This dude ROCKS!", I thought to myself.

I liked how parenthetical God was. Very random. And quite hilarious. All in all, an excellent public speaker. I was ashamed that I hadn't given him his due credit at the end of his speech earlier that night. Even now, he was constantly teaching me things. Wow.

At the end God thanked everyone for coming and admitted coyly that he had gotten his idea about the photo montage from myspace. He again added parenthetically that despite this good idea, he thought that myspace was created by Satan himself. He also thanked Maria Sharapova's great Aunt, Ludmilla, for introducing him to the Canon brand of cameras. He said he had used pentax before but was really excited about Canon's new "image stabilization" feature. He added again, parenthetically, that despite his pure love for Maria Sharapova, he really hated her dog, Dolce, a pomeranian. He was sure that Dolce was the spawn of a pomeranian and a jackel and mumbled something about genetics and "incomplete penetrance". I didn't get that part. I was never particularly good at genetics.

All in all it was a good night. And I only hope that the real God is as cool as the one in my dream. " 'For my God is a parenthetical God."...

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving

For all things bright and beautiful,
For all things dark and mysterious and lovely,
For all things green and growing and strong,
For all things weak and struggling to push up life through rocky earth,
For all human faces, hearts, minds, and hands
Which surround us,
And for all non-human minds and hearts, paws
And claws, fins and wings,
For this Life and the life of the world,
For all that you have before us, O God,
We lay our thankful hearts before you.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Dad, these are for you.

Some of my favorite memories from childhood involved sitting in the basement with my dad, eating peanuts, drinking soda and watching TV. Hey Dad, remember these?







Thursday, November 15, 2007

The economy isn't doing so great.

For the past few weeks, I've been watching the value of my 401k stocks fall, and fall, and fall a little more. For example check these out:

VEURX Nov 15 40.95 Down 0.63 Down 1.52%
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
VEXPX Nov 15 78.09 Down 1.00 Down 1.26%
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
VGENX Nov 15 80.26 Down 1.84 Down 2.24%
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Now, you can see that they're still doing pretty good in the long term, but the economy works on emotions, not raw data. And emotionally, I'm sure a lot of folks are also looking at their stock prices daily and getting pretty ansy.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Worst President of All Time

I just want to quote the awesome Gene Weingarten from the Washington Post:

Nothing funny here, just an observation: I believe the situation in Pakistan has finally, inarguably cemented W's hold on "Worst President of All Time." He has managed to put this country in the position internationally that we can do nothing about -- cannot even publicly criticize -- a monster who has arrested his country's Supreme Court, jailed opposition party members, closed TV stations and newspapers and suspended constitutional elections in a power grab more audacious than anything Hitler ever did. Any last shred of a suggestion that Bush's administration at least stands for the noble philosophy of spreading freedom? Gone. Bush is a disgrace. A malevolence. An utter failure. A purulent pustule.

Thank you.