Monday, October 31, 2005

Me and B

Our folks dressing us as twins – matching red, white and blue plaid suits and Keds
Playing drums in Grandma and Granddaddy’s basement
Riding the red wagon down Buckingham Road
Granddaddy’s pants falling down on the 4th of July
McIntire Park and the jet plane
Going to see the Blue Angels
The Dairy Farm at the U of Maryland
Going to Disney World in the 4th grade in BT’s plum Cadillac
Camping in his backyard on a rainy night, with a leaky tent
Walkie Talkies
CB Radio
Hot Wheels cars and making the coolest track in the world in the basement in Adelphi
Teaching me how to ride a wheelie on his cool bike with the banana seat
T-ball
Summer camp and riding in the “Green Monster”
The Old Witch living in Grandma and Granddaddy’s attic
Getting some “Action” from BT for acting up
The Octopus in the pool
Making our own radio shows on the cassette player
Scrambled eggs and catsup
Ginger Snaps
Our motorized motorcycles
Laughing so hard it hurt at Grandma and Granddaddy’s snoring
Jumping on Grandma and Granddaddy’s bed.
Atari
Pong in Grandma and Granddaddy’s basement
E-mailing about Playstation
Giving me advice on motorcycles and cars
His black Civic Si
The Pinto wagon!
Kix cereal
UVa basketball camp
His corny jokes
Looking out for me whenever I visited his house in Maryland and his friends made fun of his nerdy cousin

Rest In Peace


On Monday, October 24, 2005, BOOKER T. REAVES, III, of Bowie, MD, died suddenly. Born in Charlottesville, VA on March 14, 1968, to his parents Ms. Valencia C. Calhoun and Booker T. Reaves, Jr. "Beba", as he was affectionately known, leaves his loving wife and best friend of nine years, Janice Nowden Reaves. He attended schools in Prince Georges County, MD, and Howard University in Washington, DC. Booker was employed by the U.S. Department of Commerce, Bureau of Industry Security, in Washington, DC, where he was a Financial Analyst for more than 18 years. In addition to his parents and wife, he leaves to cherish his memory his stepmother Linda W. Reaves; sister Kristin L. Reaves; brother Reginald A. Calhoun; grandmothers Ms. Dorothy L. Conrad and Ms. Donna W. Reaves; mother-in-law Bertha L. Nowden; father-in-law Clarence W. Nowden. Visitation will be on Tuesday, November 1, 2005, beginning at 9:30 a.m., at Peoples Congregational Church of Christ, 4704 13th St. N.W., with funeral service at 11 a.m. Interment November 2, in Charlottesville, VA.

Friday, October 28, 2005

There's an octopus in the water!!

One of my favorite memories of B happened about 30 years ago. I got to spend a few weeks one summer staying with Beba and my uncle and aunt, while going to summer camp. The camp was run by the Catholic Church somewhere in Maryland, I forget where.

Uncle BT wanted us to take swimming class, but I was scared to death of the water. Beba and kept putting it off, until BT told us we would get some "Action" if we didn't (Action was his term for a spanking, and just the threat of it worked!). Anyway, the day came for us to go the pool, and I was scared out of my mind and made up some excuse to the camp counselor about why I couldn't do it. When BT picked us up that evening, he asked how swimming went. Now remember, I was about 6 or 7 years old, with a very fertile imagination. I said we tried to swim, but there was an octopus in the water and it tried pulling us under, so we had to get out!! Beba looked at me like "are you completely insane?" He tried to play along, but of course the story didn't work (kids really do believe in anything, don't they). Luckily for us, BT found my lie so damn funny, we didn't get any "Action" that day. But we did have to go to the pool the next day. I just remember being thrown into the deep end. I surrvived, obviously, but that damn octopus tried to get me again!

Every time we saw each other, we would laugh until we cried over that story.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

More

Here are two poems my little brother, K10, wrote:

She burned sage in hope that the smoke would float
Higher than the rains to forever cleanse the pain.
And the smoke just drifted from my nose,
With prayer and tears of memory.
But perhaps all was too late as fate would inform them,
In the wee hours as showers and kettles and coffee pots steamed,
Ritual hours of coffee and tea.
A man with a plan, vowed to never see light again.
And he did it~ did this man.
He went through with his plan.
And my uncle found this man dead this morning.
Damn.

Ken10
10.24.05


My cousin~
Suicide took his life,
Not homicide that took his life.
Alone was left his wife.
Clutching his picture to his side.
His father left to wonder.
His mother left to wonder.
His sister left to wonder.
Our family left to wonder.
Black men aren't supposed to die by suicide,
Black men aren't supposed to die unless it's homicide,
Black men aren't supposed to die- it's genocide.
If he did it, he meant it.
If he did it, it was a statement.
He did it.
He stated it.
My cousin killed himself today.
My cousin killed a part of us today.
My cousin killed any hope of seeing the next day.
Tomorrow today will be yesterday and I pray.
Tomorrow I'll say my cousin killed himself yesterday and I'll pray.

Ken10
10.24.05

Why?

I don’t normally get too personal on this blog. I mostly write about what’s going on politically in this country, or about sports, or something trivial. Today’s post is going to be very different.

My cousin killed himself yesterday. And I’m kind of numb right now. Of course I’m sad, angry, confused, but I’m mostly numb. Beba (his name is actually Booker, named after my uncle and grandfather. The family called him Little B, but I couldn’t pronounce it as a toddler, all I could say was Beba) was 9 months older than me, and we were very close growing up, but drifted apart as we got older. We had an almost sibling like rivalry as kids, due mostly to our closeness in age and being the only grandkids until my sister was born when we were 6.

I was always jealous of B – he had a lot of “stuff” and was way cooler than me. He had Granddaddy’s name. His dad had a motorcycle and played sports with him. I was his nerdy cousin from Virginia, but whenever we visited, he didn’t seem to mind me following him around like a puppy. He played football, baseball and basketball. I played soccer. It was the 70’s and 80’s, when soccer was the sport of geeks who couldn’t play anything else. He taught me how to swing a baseball bat and how to make a lay-up.

I found out much later how much he envied me. Imagine that, he was actually jealous of me all those years – jealous of my grades, and the fact that I had a little brother and sister. Jealous that I was able to keep my room messy. One of the things I was most jealous of – his name – was a weight on him I only recently understood. My grandfather was a great man, a very important man in Charlottesville who played a huge role in the desegregation of the city’s schools. Charlottesville was one of the few places in the South that didn’t have the tremendous violence and upheaval associated with school integration thank to the work of Granddaddy. Granddaddy went to Howard. He was an Alpha. And my uncle and B had to live up to those expectations. I can’t really explain it – it’s a very Southern/Machismo thing that I can’t explain, but I can feel down the depths of my very being. And by my being the son of his daughter, I didn’t have the same weight placed upon me. B, I’m sorry. I didn’t know until I was grown what it was like for you.

As we got older, we drifted apart, as kids do. But recently, we'd been e-mailing each other and talking on the phone. He was going to teach me how to ride a motorcycle, we'd been trying to get together after work for a drink, but could never mesh our schedules.

I don’t know why he did it. Sure, there are all the tell-tale symptoms – depression, hopelessness, etc., but what makes someone take that final, ultimate step?

Several years ago, I was at the same crossroad that Beba was at yesterday. My marriage was ending, I had survived a horrific accident that nearly killed me, my finances were a mess, and I felt completely and utterly alone. I can even remember the exact day and what was going on in my head. I couldn’t afford the rent on the apartment my ex-wife and I had – 2 incomes go a lot further than. And I didn’t care. All I could think about was what a failure I was. I hated my job, my wife left me, and no one in the world could ever understand the pain I was going through. I was like I was blind and being sucked into a whirlpool. I was too proud to ask for help and decided the only way to feel better was to stop feeling. I had made up my mind that day to end it all, but luckily for me, my ex-wife called my father and told him she was worried about me. Dad called me and convinced me to drive down to his house for dinner. I never told him until last night, but he and Tara saved my life.

Of course, now I’m wondering about all the “what-ifs”. What if my uncle had been able to reach him earlier yesterday morning (he knew B was feeling bad, but of course know one knew how bad he was doing), what if I had picked up the phone and called him on Sunday to watch a football game, what if he had just taken his meds. We’ll never know.

And now we, the family, are trying to make sense of all of this. And I don’t know if we ever will.

2,000

The 2,000th American died in Iraq today. To those of you who say it's the price for freedom, screw you. Talk to me when someone you love has died and tell me it was worth it.

B, I love you

My cousin killed himself yesterday.

I'm too broken up to write about it at length right now. But I do want to say that I know the pain and utter hopelessness that you were feeling, because I've been there. And I'm sorry that you felt that this was your only escape, but I'm comforted in knowing that you're now at peace. I'm not mad at you, only deeply and profoundly sad.

I'll see you again one day, and we can continue our arguments about the 'Skins and Cowboys, Perot and Clinton. And we can play drums like we used to do in Grandma & Granddaddy's basement, and put together Hot Wheels tracks and finally be able to make the cars complete the loop, and race our bikes around the block.

Do me a favor and tell Granddaddy hi for me.

I love you B.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Pretty Damn Interesting

Who knew they had color photography during World War I? This site is damn cool.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

He's Back!!


Out for six weeks, Henry returns to score 2 for the Gunners!! All in all a great few days in sports. UVa beat Florida State and Henry is back!

This crap can't be happening

It's like watching a really bad comedy. Mier's, as W's counsel, wasn't even licensed to practice in DC!!

Earlier this year, I received notice that my dues for the District of Columbia Bar were delinquent and as a result my ability to practice law in D.C. had been suspended. I immediately sent the dues in to remedy the delinquency. The nonpayment was not intentioned, and I corrected the situation upon receiving the letter.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

It's funny, because it's true

From Mark Shields:

Has anyone else ever watched C-SPAN cover a three-hour House debate on cloning? What a scene. Two hundred six Caucasian males in blue suits, white shirts and red ties all declaring their all-out opposition against cloning.

Timeline

Remember my post a few days ago about the timing of the New York subway terror alert? Well, Keith Olberman of MSNBC has put together a pretty interesting timeline. See it here.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Liberal Media?

If a top Clinton official had resigned on a Friday and was arrested the following Monday for obstruction of justice and lying to Federal investigators, how many weeks would the story have occupied the front page?

"What are you talking about, Chaz?" Do any of you know who David Safavian is?

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Retro Tuesday Night


The FW is out of town - in San Diego for work. As I'm sure most married men do, when the wife's away, I go back to my bachelor days. Not just my life pre-FW, but all the way back to college. Video games, beer, TV. I'm even listening to an ancient album of mine - Staring at the Sea. I haven't played it in years. I actually own the vinyl version, but don't have a turntable, so I've put on the CD. Something very soothing about listening to vintage The Cure while cooking dinner (steak with steamed asparagus and potatoes and a Sierra Nevada) on a cool Autumn evening. Okay, so my meal is a bit more grown up than what I would have been eating 18 years ago, though I do have Ramen Noodles in the pantry and Schlitz in the fridge!

Did you know

that the word gullible isn't in the dictionary? WTF?

Monday, October 10, 2005

Did anyone know

that this old ass man is still in the NFL?

Home Town Tourist

Friday night, the FW (Fabulous Wife), got a phone call from her Uncle Frankie in Dublin. Except he wasn't in Dublin, he was in New York with his wife, Aunt Elsie visiting there son Emmanuel, who's currently working there for an Irish IT firm. Anyway, Uncle Frankie says not only are they in New York, they're driving down to DC on Saturday and staying at a hotel less than 2 miles from our house. So much for a nice, quiet weekend. The FW is now in grad school and is in class all day on Saturdays, so it was up to me, SuperHusband, to show my Irish in-laws around town. And you know what, I had a great time!

Living here in DC, I take for granted all of the wonderful things we have in this city, and often forget how beautiful it is. But this weekend, I saw it through the eyes of tourists, and I'm very happy I live here.

The 1st thing we did on Saturday, once I picked them up, was to get some lunch. Emamanuel said they just wanted something simple, some diner food. So, I took them to The Diner in Adams Morgan, my favorite part of DC and one very few folks from out of town have heard of or seen. Being Irish, they ordered mash potatoes instead of french fries with their lunch, and proceeded to smother their bread with it, making mashed potato sandwiches. I've never seen that done before, but it looked great! Afterwards, I took them on a driving tour of town (it was pouring rain on Saturday - we got over 7 inches of rain this weekend). I didn't just show them the usual stuff (The White House, all of the monuments, Capitol Hill), but all of the different neighborhoods as well. They were amazed at how green the city is - and they're right. DC is pretty much a city within a forest - absolutely green. Afterwards, they headed down to visit my mother-in-law with my FW.

Sunday, the rain finally stopped, so we trekked out on foot. We walked to the White House and the Ellipse, over to the Washington Monument, down to the Lincoln Memorial (going through the WW2 Memorial), and then over to the Jefferson. They wore me out!!

Thursday, October 06, 2005