Welcome to the Neighborhood

We've been in our new home for 2 weeks now, and have met a few of our neighbors. They've all been very nice, 30-something couples like us. But we haven't met our immediate neighbors yet, which to me is pretty strange. It seems to me that when you notice someone new moving in, especially right next to you, you at least say "Hi, welcome to the neighborhood". Hasn't happened. Yet Saturday morning, I did have an encounter with the woman who lives directly across from us.

It was around 8:00 Saturday morning and I was headed back from taking our dog Kaleb for a walk. It was cold and rainy and I noticed the lady who lives across from us outside doing gardening. She saw me headed to my front door and came over saying "You know, they have trash cans around for your dog", "Yeah, I know". "Then why do you have that trash can on your porch"? Now, we have a small (around 8 inches high) receptacle we use to put Kaleb's baggies in after we take him for a walk - hardly a trash can. "Um, because I don't see why I have to walk 1/4 mile to throw this away". "Because it's against the rules" she wined. "Well, we've lived in ParkFairfax (0ur community) for over 3 years, and we've always had this receptacle. As a matter of fact, if you walk around, you'll see that everyone who has a dog has some sort of container on their front steps". "It's the rules", she repeated. "And why do you have a child's potty on your porch?". "What?" I said. "You have a child's potty on your porch and that's also against the condo rules". She was pointing to a planter we have on our front step that my mother-in-law gave us. It's basically a very small bench with a flower pot in the seat. It is not, by any stretch, a child's potty. Unless the child is the size of a baby doll, in which case, it wouldn't be using a potty, would it? "Ma'am, that's not a potty, it's a planter my mother-in-law gave us", "No it's not, it's a potty and it's against the rules". Now, I was really getting pissed off now. "Is this how you welcome people to the neighborhood? We've been here 2 weeks and you haven't said a word to us. Not a "Hi, how are you". Nothing. And you come up to me and start bitching about a goddamned planter?" "It's against the rules and if you don't like it, you can move". This is when I lost it. "This is my God damned house that I just bought. No one tells me where I can or can't live!! Are you crazy? Look at all of the shit you've got on your porch! I'm sure it's against the rules for you to have that craptacular lawn furniture sitting in front of your house!!!" By this time, my fabulous Wife heard my rising voice and came outside. "What's wrong honey", she asked. "Nothing, just talking to this crazy-ass neighbor of ours" I said in a very loud whisper. My FW hushed me and told me to go inside while she talked to the crazy lady. "What's the problem?" she said. "Nothing personal, I just don't like what you have on your porch" crazy lady responded. "Well, we like and it's staying" said the FW. With that, she came back inside and proceeded to try and calm me down. But the calmer I got, the more upset she got over total rudeness of crazy lady. Seriously, I'll have to post some pictures of the tacky shit she's got outside.

The coolest thing about the incident, is how I was channeling my dad. I've seen him go off on people for doing stupid shit - and after I got inside, I realized that I sounded just like him! Pretty neat.

The joys of being a homeowner!